‘Pressure can burst a pipe, or pressure can make a diamond’.

This post is about pressure, which I currently feel. A member of my family does not understand my depression or anxiety ‘what do you have to be depressed about, ‘calm down your overeacting’… I hear this all the time from this person, and all it does is adds fuel to the already burning fire. You ask me about my return to uni, have I chased it up, have I heard from my tutor. The thing is not once have you asked how I am, how I feel about returning. Currently I am in talks with my tutor about planning my return, she wants everything to run smoothly just as much as I do. I talk to her weekly and ensure plans are starting to form. However, this family member is only concerned with my return to uni, this had turned me actually quite sour towards them. They are putting pressure on me to complete my degree and earn money, six weeks is all I have left. This pressure you are putting on me is unreal, i’ll soon be earning and when I am I won’t be grateful for the pressure youve piled on me just for the sake of six weeks.

And lastly… yes i’m ready for my return, and yes i’m currently feeling ok.. but in future maybe handle me a bit more sensitively, understand that money doesn’t make you happy, it might help for a short while. But money isn’t going to help my anxiety either, even though I will be earning a acceptable amount.. I will still have worries, maybe you get your head around that before I burst!!


When you have so much product in your hair that you consider carring a flammable sign…

An overview of the products I use in my hair….

My hair is naturally curly, for years I have straightened it, and tried various frizz taming hair products. Some have worked, others haven’t. Here are my favorite three..

I always recommend a sea salt spray, as these tame frizz while also defines the curls. I’m currently using Beach babe by Lee Stafford, this spray smells delightful and doesn’t weigh hair down, I recommend using this on towel dried hair and then teasing curls with your fingers. This product is good for an effortless look and creating defined curls.

Curlesque by catwalk tigi is ideal on dry hair as this will tame any frizz and 

flyaways that can occur. I like this product as the bottle is small so can fit into your handbag perfectly. 

Coconut water/oil by natural world

This product can be used on damp hair, its coconut scent lasts for ages. Again this product tames curls, leaving them defined and being an oil means it is weightless. After using this product hair looks shiny and hydrated. I use this oil on damp hair, although it can be used on dry hair for extra shine, other uses include putting it on before shampoo and even mixing it with your conditioner!  

Hope you naturally curly girls find this useful!

And remember the quote from mean girls??

‘Some people say they could never work with sick kids, i’m the opposite… They have this will to survive that is so strong, they never give up’.

An honest account of my children’s nursing degree.

I started my degree in January 2015, I was excited to begin this journey, and my first grades reflected my motivation. My first placement was on a general childrens ward, and other areas included theatres, and one day with a community midwife. First year went by very fast and soon I was faced with second year. This year proved difficult and I began to regret my career choice. My anxiety began to overwelm me as the pressure built up, attending placements, writing essays and working part time, it all became to much. Still I managed to plough through, again with good grades. But I felt physically and emotionally drained. 

By the time third year came I felt glad to be close to the finish line. My grades took a slight dip, and I did not enjoy placements at all. In July last year I had a nervous breakdown and the doctor signed me off. I slept the days away, cried a lot and would not leave the house. I returned to University once I felt well again, but in October this year I was signed off again with depression, my medications were increased and this knocked me about for a while. I should have finished my degree December 24th, instead I am now returning to practice and making up my lost hours. Its not that I have given up but I needed to rest and now feel ready to continue at my own pace.

I understand my anxiety is a part of me, but this course has not helped. The 13 hour shifts, the lack of financial support, the academic pressure and the expectation of parents/patients has contributed to my increased anxiety. It is common knowledge that the NHS is in crisis, nurse shortages, packed A and E’s and critically ill patients just to name a few of the issues.

But with all this considered I have seen children survive the most horrific illnesses, the children I care for are the reason I still want to continue what I do, therefore just like these poorly children I will not give up.

‘Cuddling literally kills depression and relieves anxiety’.

Well I think so anyway…

This new years eve was so different for me.. normally I would be out wearing a glittery, tight, uncomfortable dress in too high heels, with too much make up on. But this year was different as firstly I was working and secondly I wanted to get straight back home to my man.

Once I left work I went straight to his house to be welcomed by chinese food and cuddles. And I could not have asked for anything more. We saw the new year in holding eachother and making plans for this year. That night meant more to me than previous years, falling out of clubs/pubs and paying over the odds to get home. 

I love that I was snuggled up in my mans arms to see in 2018, I love that its the only place in this world where I feel at ease, protected, safe, and loved. Most of all I felt free from the worry and thoughts that plague my mind daily. 

This year on December 31st I know where i’ll be 😊❤

December glossy box review

I was excited about this months glossy box as I had been purchasing gifts for everybody else it was nice to receive a present for myself 😂

This months box contained: charcoal toothpaste, a lipstick, eyeliner, eyeshadow and some nao bay gel to milk cream. Firstly the charcoal toothpaste aims to whiten your teeth… I have tried various tooth whitening methods including: coconut oil pulling, baking soda and various other strange ways. This toothpaste is obviously black which is quite alarming at first, but my teeth have become slightly whiter although I would recommend using this charcoal toothpaste once a day due to sensitivity being felt when using twice a day. 

The lipstick in this months box is a lovely neutral nude colour  (laqa & co, in daydream), which I have used when my eye make up is dark e.g. smoky eyes. The lipstick is smooth and colour lasts a long time.The Steve Laurant eyeliner is very good, leaves a neat thin line above the eye, and useful for doing those perfect flicks. The small eyeshadow pallette is ideal as it can fit in any handbag and gives instructions on how to co plete your desired look. Now lastly the nao bay gel to milk is a product that I havent got round to using yet, therefore I will not review this product. 

Please check out glossybox and get your treats 💄💅

‘Confidence level = selfie with no filter’..

Happy new year!! Firstly there will be No ‘new year new me’ from me.. I will still be the same miserable, worried and worked up little woman I was last year. Just perhaps with a few more goals in place. And no I don’t believe I will see a fast imcrease in my confidence, as I know things take work, but heres my first simple goals.

  1. I will complete my nursing degree
  2. Will choose an exercise class and stick to it.
  3. Drink less coffee!!

If i’m honest the 3rd goal is going relatively well. I blame coffee for my lack of sleep, and my random bouts of energy that occur after each mug. I started by setting myself an initial goal first, for example for the coffee goal I decided that for every cup I had, would be followed by two glasses of water!! This has proved successful as I have had no coffee now for three days.

My nursing degree goal will be discussed on a post coming up shortly! And my exercise goal, well we will just see. I intend to join a class not just for exercises but for social purposes too, meeting new people with similar interests can be daunting for me, but (along with my confidence) is something that can be worked upon. This gradual process of completing goals will hopefully enable my confidence to build slowly. Bearing this in mind make your goals achievable, and remember you won’t be cartwheeling with joy every day but at least smile 😊

2018 i’m ready for you 💁

A little xmas update…

So this years xmas has been awful to be honest, I spent xmas day driving around and seeing everyone.. and getting soaked on by the rain. Although looking at the positives, my little cousins made me laugh, and I enjoyed indulging in all the food. I missed my partner badly on xmas day but felt better once I visited him on boxing day. This year has been a blur, full of ups and mainly downs, I am looking forward to the new year. And hopefully with a more positive outlook, I will finish my degree, fet a job and enjoy a few holidays 😊 For now though 2017… Ciao adios i’m done.