A very honest and open account of my looks and body!
I love a good picture of myself (very vain I know). When someone takes a pic of me I like to makesure it gets me at a good angle and sometimes not looking at the camera. In todays society women have a pressure to look a certain way with make up ‘on point’, the latest fashion and have time to keep that bod in check. One thing I am not is fake, my hair is naturally curly and frizzy, I used to exercise all the time, and cannot afford designer clothes. My confidence on the whole is low which looking at my pictures you wouldnt think so. I am not great at doing make up, I can do the basics but you will never catch me watching make up tutorials ever, I cannot think of anything worse and am not afraid to admit it! I love having my hair coloured and will leave it natural sometimes to maintain the condition. One tip for curly haired ladies, use sea salt spray, I swear by Charles Worthington style setter sea salt spray. It leaves your hair looking less frizzy and defines the curls. Most of the time I straighten my hair but always use a deep conditioning mask twice a week.
I have to say I am grateful for my sisters one is good at make up and the other hair, so occasionally I do look glam thanks to them!
Still my confidence is generally low, even though my body isn’t that bad it could do with some toning up definately! I used to go to the gym four times a week then swim for half an hour after, but I have to be honest I hated it and was bored. When I moved in with my partner I didn’t join a gym as they were so expensive, instead I went running and enjoyed this as I keep fit while my mind is able to be free from srress and worry. I still run now and also walk my puppy archie at least once a day.
I am aware of my appearence and try to look after my skin. I get spots like everybody else and hate them! One thing I do splurge on is a good foundation, I use double wear by estee lauder for a long lasting finish.
So that has been an overview of my body, hair and looks. Overall my confidence is growing steadily and although I would change lots about my appearence, I am grateful for my natural hair and my lack of make up!!
One tip for you all put positive quotes on every mirror you own 😍
So this is an unusual post for me.. But prior to my meltdown I joined scentsy. These beautiful electric warmers melt wax which give off wonderful scents around the home. Now I joined partly because I needed a distraction from University, and I have enjoyed having this little business. I have been able to use the products, take pictures of them and enjoy selling them. I have one warmer in the conservatory and one in the living room, my house smells lush which means one happy Kirsty. There are many scents to choose from and I choose ones which bring back memories, coconut reminds me of holidays, cherry reminds me of my old mini and flowery scents remind me of spring time.
Please check out all my pictures and have a look on my website.. capture memories through scents 😊 you will not be disappointed!
So many to choose from 🌹🌼 🍒🍉🍋
Diary entry: 14th August 17
My next few blogs will be full of holiday pictures and will probably drive you mad. But I need to point out that although i’m sunning myself and indulging in so much greek food, I am still anxious. We all go on holiday for a break to rest and recharge, and although I am resting, my worries are never far.
My worries include: will I pass university? Will I get a job? Will I ever be successful? I wish I didn’t worry like this, I wish that I didn’t have to remember to take my medication while on holiday. But actually I have realised that all these worries are not necessary, what happens will soon unfold and for now I will ride the waves and embrace the current moments. (Hence getting all dressed up and going for a dip on the sea) 🙈
I love the sea 😊🌊 Embrace the waves!!
I remember a previous counsellor that gave me an activity to carry out. Ive always found counselling hard and could never open up about my anxieties but different counsellors have a variety of methods which they can suggest. My task was to write down my worries or fears, read through them think about them then once you have exhausted the list… Burn it and forget about the list and the worries. This helps me an awful lot during the real dark times. I’m not saying this will solve worries but it mentally and physically erases them. Then who knows what a spark could create when you return to your normal, strong self!
So look at this picture… what do you see? A broken leg? Now theres a story that goes with this that meant a lot to me metaphorically. This was actually a picture of my foot in cast after a nurse had to practise on me. Then a thought crossed my mind.. you can see physical illness or injury, but you never notice mental illness.
People close to you may pick up on your mood changes, but aside from those few and I mean very few close people, no one notices. But if you broke your leg/arm for example people would notice and may even question you how did you do that? Then they respond with sympathy.
Now try telling someone that you had a breakdown, you can see sympathy but they cannot respond, thats where the stigma of mental health lies.. Not many people understand and thats ok, those people will stand by us but from a distance. Not many know what to say, thats also ok its probably best they keep quiet.
One family member rang me everyday asking not just how I was, but how I was really feeling. This family member had noticed a change in me way before the wobble. This family member helped me by just calling everyday and checking up on me. I am grateful for this person noticing my downfall after all I didn’t break a bone nor did I have an injury, but actually I was ill and I was suffering. Thank you for noticing, it takes a special person to realise you are ill, even though you look ‘fine’.
Thank you for reading this short metaphorical story. I hope more people begin to understand mental illness.
This next post is about one of my distraction methods. Although it seems strange last year I purchased a colouring book and would colour in most nights. This gradually stopped and then almost became forgotten about until last week. I found my colouring books while sorting through a cupboard, when I felt slightly relaxed later on in the evening I coloured for over an hour. This may appear a tedious method of distraction but during that hour all I focused on was the quotes in the book and the colours I was using. I have now tried to colour in everyday, some days I am busy and forget. And other days I still could sleep every hour. But this is one distraction that I have decided to use regularly. Although this may seem like a silly idea I would encourage you all to try it and embrace that inner child! Get those felts and pencils and be distracted for a while!!
One more thing, always try to make someone else smile no matter what you are going through.
Be someone’s rainbow!!
Firstly I apologise for starting this blog then being completely silent since. Unfortunately about three weeks ago I had a nervous breakdown, I felt anxious and nervous (all the time) therefore making me feel drained and tired (all the time). During this time I had panic attacks, wasn’t sleeping, sweating, crying and not eating.
I have needed time away from placement/university, my medication has been increased and I have had to consider my coping strategies. Alongside all this I have had people say things that need some reflection ‘you were fine last week’ ‘I don’t think you had a breakdown’ the worst one was ‘you just need to relax’. The response in my head was this…
Was I really fine last week? (No I hid it well) I did have a breakdown (chances are you don’t believe me as 1. You didn’t see me and 2. I seem ‘fine’ now. And relax?! I wish I could.
After this what I now refer to as a ‘wobble’ that I had two weeks ago, I needed to consider lots of things to help me. Firstly I made myself get out of bed at a reasonable time (which was difficult during my wobble). I would then walk my dog, carry on with chores and I would relax. Either in the bath, or just sitting down and taking time to process my thoughts. I have had kind words from people I rarely talk to and i’ve been able to see who is close to me, but have not given me much thought, which is a shame.
Although I am not completely recovered yet, I am getting their and I am figuring out what works for me. I hope I can reach out to at least one person who is struggling, I will help, sympathise and try to make you smile.
If I can get through this ‘wobble’ so can you!
#anxiety #support #stigma #relax #mentalhealth