This post is quite simply about why I chose to blog…
I have always enjoyed reading and writing, when I was younger I wrote stories all the time, I would spend hours creating characters and using my imagination to also create fairy tale scenarios. With age I wrote less but read more, I would read so many books and still do. My inspiration to blog came from my deteriorating mental health, although I have always been anxious with age it began to worsen. I struggled to find support, I felt isolated and my mind was racing all the time. Although family and friends have always been supportive I wished to seek guidance from people who had suffered the way I always have. Initially a magazine article opened my eyes to the amount of women who suffer, I steadily began to feel less alone. I then started to read mental health blogs which helped me understand my sometimes erratic behavior. I also found blogs useful for discovering tips that would help relax me.
I then decided that I would start my own blog to empower women to manage and cope with their mental health. I love inspirational quotes, so use these to inspire what I will write about. I also decided that I would review beauty products and discuss topics that women love. I started my blog, then due to another round of anxiety I went quiet, and have had repeated periods like this where I just couldn’t motivate myself to write. I wrote on holiday last year and that was a big turning point for me, it was the realization that I was in a relationship which was 1. not going anywhere and 2. was fueling my anxiety. Even still I tried to make it work but I knew in my mind what I had to do, although it was hard leaving my ex, it was a new start, a chance to find myself again. Writing also helped me understand my feelings, and actually led me to believe that no I’m not perfect but I didn’t deserve for someone to play on my weaknesses.
Through blogging I have been able to address my issues by writing about them and sharing my tips for relaxation. The more I blogged the more tips I found and carried out, I also discovered courage and strength in myself , which has helped me gain confidence. In blogging I have addressed some issues even involving my struggles with my degree, but I am glad I started to blog. As writing for me is easier than talking about problems, when I read my blog posts I honestly see how far I have come, my new found confidence and hopefully how I helped someone, somewhere.
I hope to inspire more people to engage with my blog and share any coping mechanisms on my blog that we could all try.
Another tip for a positive life!
I purchased this book a while ago, I love to read the quotes each day for a positive outlook. Katie Piper is an inspiration, and this book will help increase your happiness day by day #Littlethingsinlife
Today I have decided to blog as much as possible for two reasons.
- To set myself a challenge
- To spread awareness of anxiety.
I will blog all day, I intend to refresh and remind people what I blog about, spread awareness of anxiety, have a laugh and maybe throw a few beauty tips in too! I will post pictures and give ideas to help distract people from anxiety, panic and worry.
Now take a look at this old photo. Here I am young with not a care in the world listening to my music!! First tip of the day is to dig out old pictures! You could spend hours looking through pictures and smiling at the memories, this will distract you from anxiety and encourage you to embrace all the good times 😊
Another tip taken from the photo, listen to music 🎵 I have clearly loved listening to music from a young age. Music can help distract you from everything for a while. I occasionally put my headphones in while pottering around in the house. Music can help you reflect and gives you time out to think! Start by downloading an uplifting playlist heres a few tunes from mine.
- Amazed- Lonestar
- My girl-Temptations
- Mirrors- Justin Timberlake
- A sky full of stars- Coldplay
Now get your photos out pop your headphones in and have a wonderful day 🎧🎵😊
This week has been hectic for me, turning 27 over a week ago, moving back home on my birthday, rehoming my dog twice and trying to finish Uni work. But I have managed and I have to admit i’ve had help from a very lovely person. As soon as it is I have met somebody else and knew him before the break up. I have heard comments of ‘oohh quite soon isn’t it’ and ‘is this a rebound’. But I genuinely don’t agree with either comments, for once I feel excited, and happy. I think I also know why.. I believe I was over my previous relationship before it ended, I think I had cried my fair share of tears until I couldn’t cry anymore. I just needed to see that this couldn’t go on anymore, and I did.
Thanks (withheld name) you have seen me at my lowest, you accepted my anxiety straight away as you witnessed me at my worst. You held me when I thought I made a mistake leaving him, you comforted me when I had endless rants. You helped me through this, you made me laugh and made me feel wanted again and for that I am grateful.
I don’t care if people think its too soon, I am happy that someone seems to treasure me and cares. Oh and one more thing, thank you to my ex for appearing on tinder which I discovered through a friend, you have just confirmed I made the right decision!
So I haven’t wrote for A while, partly because I’ve had essays to write and partly because I’ve had big decisions to make. One of those decisions included leaving my partner of 3 years. On holiday I thought hard about what I wanted in life, when it occurred to me that I was always there for my partner, but felt so alone when I needed help. I will not run him into the ground but I will say that I now feel so free. My time is my own, I realized I lived with him and my only purpose was to keep him happy, keep his house tidy and made sure everything ran smoothly for his degree. In the meantime I had a breakdown my own degree took a back seat while I recovered and the house was not as immaculate as I wanted it to be. Since we have split up he told me that he thought the house was a mess, I didn’t have a breakdown (I was being lazy) and I didn’t care about him. While the whole time I was struggling, I cried for hours by myself, I did some housework then would go back to bed to sleep for hours only to wake up sweating and panicking. I couldn’t attend University due to being signed off sick by a doctor. The things he said hurt me, and that was the decider, the eye opener that I needed to end the relationship and be free again.
So although I am not out of the woods yet, I have made a decision that has made the process easier, although he is very upset currently due to me leaving, I have cried my fair share of tears probably in the space of a week and plenty more over the years. I wish him all the best but now its my time and maybe eventually I will find someone who genuinely cares about my well being and can stay with me through the hard times, the panic and worry, but overall will love me and accept my anxiety. I know its hard to be with someone who has anxiety, but my anxiety does not define me or my life.
So look at this picture… what do you see? A broken leg? Now theres a story that goes with this that meant a lot to me metaphorically. This was actually a picture of my foot in cast after a nurse had to practise on me. Then a thought crossed my mind.. you can see physical illness or injury, but you never notice mental illness.
People close to you may pick up on your mood changes, but aside from those few and I mean very few close people, no one notices. But if you broke your leg/arm for example people would notice and may even question you how did you do that? Then they respond with sympathy.
Now try telling someone that you had a breakdown, you can see sympathy but they cannot respond, thats where the stigma of mental health lies.. Not many people understand and thats ok, those people will stand by us but from a distance. Not many know what to say, thats also ok its probably best they keep quiet.
One family member rang me everyday asking not just how I was, but how I was really feeling. This family member had noticed a change in me way before the wobble. This family member helped me by just calling everyday and checking up on me. I am grateful for this person noticing my downfall after all I didn’t break a bone nor did I have an injury, but actually I was ill and I was suffering. Thank you for noticing, it takes a special person to realise you are ill, even though you look ‘fine’.
Thank you for reading this short metaphorical story. I hope more people begin to understand mental illness.
Firstly I apologise for starting this blog then being completely silent since. Unfortunately about three weeks ago I had a nervous breakdown, I felt anxious and nervous (all the time) therefore making me feel drained and tired (all the time). During this time I had panic attacks, wasn’t sleeping, sweating, crying and not eating.
I have needed time away from placement/university, my medication has been increased and I have had to consider my coping strategies. Alongside all this I have had people say things that need some reflection ‘you were fine last week’ ‘I don’t think you had a breakdown’ the worst one was ‘you just need to relax’. The response in my head was this…
Was I really fine last week? (No I hid it well) I did have a breakdown (chances are you don’t believe me as 1. You didn’t see me and 2. I seem ‘fine’ now. And relax?! I wish I could.
After this what I now refer to as a ‘wobble’ that I had two weeks ago, I needed to consider lots of things to help me. Firstly I made myself get out of bed at a reasonable time (which was difficult during my wobble). I would then walk my dog, carry on with chores and I would relax. Either in the bath, or just sitting down and taking time to process my thoughts. I have had kind words from people I rarely talk to and i’ve been able to see who is close to me, but have not given me much thought, which is a shame.
Although I am not completely recovered yet, I am getting their and I am figuring out what works for me. I hope I can reach out to at least one person who is struggling, I will help, sympathise and try to make you smile.
If I can get through this ‘wobble’ so can you!
#anxiety #support #stigma #relax #mentalhealth