Diary extract from yesterday!
Today on world mental health day, I have laughed, cried and slept. A mixture of emotions has filled me today and to be honest exhausted me. Like lots of other sufferers I am overwelmed by the feel of dread or worry that occurs on a daily basis.
On days like this I hardly want to speak to anyone, I like to be in my own space and keep busy. This evening I have had tea, showered and looked through a magazine. These normal daily tasks help me to keep a little bit of routine, when all I really want is to sleep all day and not move from my bed.
So now I leave you with this final quote ‘you’re not going to master the rest of your life in one day, just relax’. 😊
Diary entry: 10th October
Today is world mental health day, ironic when this has turned out to be terrible for me. For the past week I have been feeling anxious when attending placement at the Hospital, I have been feeling like i’m not part of the team, like i’m not supported and drained from the long shifts. I arrived on the car park this morning and burst into tears. I just couldn’t face it today.. but instead of going home to bed I have come into University to address the issues I have which will be resolved. I have decided that I need to be working in another environment, one which inspires my confidence in nursing. Hopefully I will get the decision I wish for and be able to move. If not i’m not entirely sure what my next step is going to be, as I have again reached breaking point even though I am aware that there are always answers.
So on this day of mental health awareness, I leave you with this one thought. ‘Don’t fake being ok, you only hurt yourself, be real with what you are going through and don’t let it consume you’. 😊
Another tip for a positive life!
I purchased this book a while ago, I love to read the quotes each day for a positive outlook. Katie Piper is an inspiration, and this book will help increase your happiness day by day #Littlethingsinlife
Today I have decided to blog as much as possible for two reasons.
- To set myself a challenge
- To spread awareness of anxiety.
I will blog all day, I intend to refresh and remind people what I blog about, spread awareness of anxiety, have a laugh and maybe throw a few beauty tips in too! I will post pictures and give ideas to help distract people from anxiety, panic and worry.
Now take a look at this old photo. Here I am young with not a care in the world listening to my music!! First tip of the day is to dig out old pictures! You could spend hours looking through pictures and smiling at the memories, this will distract you from anxiety and encourage you to embrace all the good times 😊
Another tip taken from the photo, listen to music 🎵 I have clearly loved listening to music from a young age. Music can help distract you from everything for a while. I occasionally put my headphones in while pottering around in the house. Music can help you reflect and gives you time out to think! Start by downloading an uplifting playlist heres a few tunes from mine.
- Amazed- Lonestar
- My girl-Temptations
- Mirrors- Justin Timberlake
- A sky full of stars- Coldplay
Now get your photos out pop your headphones in and have a wonderful day 🎧🎵😊
So I haven’t wrote for A while, partly because I’ve had essays to write and partly because I’ve had big decisions to make. One of those decisions included leaving my partner of 3 years. On holiday I thought hard about what I wanted in life, when it occurred to me that I was always there for my partner, but felt so alone when I needed help. I will not run him into the ground but I will say that I now feel so free. My time is my own, I realized I lived with him and my only purpose was to keep him happy, keep his house tidy and made sure everything ran smoothly for his degree. In the meantime I had a breakdown my own degree took a back seat while I recovered and the house was not as immaculate as I wanted it to be. Since we have split up he told me that he thought the house was a mess, I didn’t have a breakdown (I was being lazy) and I didn’t care about him. While the whole time I was struggling, I cried for hours by myself, I did some housework then would go back to bed to sleep for hours only to wake up sweating and panicking. I couldn’t attend University due to being signed off sick by a doctor. The things he said hurt me, and that was the decider, the eye opener that I needed to end the relationship and be free again.
So although I am not out of the woods yet, I have made a decision that has made the process easier, although he is very upset currently due to me leaving, I have cried my fair share of tears probably in the space of a week and plenty more over the years. I wish him all the best but now its my time and maybe eventually I will find someone who genuinely cares about my well being and can stay with me through the hard times, the panic and worry, but overall will love me and accept my anxiety. I know its hard to be with someone who has anxiety, but my anxiety does not define me or my life.
Diary entry: 14th August 17
My next few blogs will be full of holiday pictures and will probably drive you mad. But I need to point out that although i’m sunning myself and indulging in so much greek food, I am still anxious. We all go on holiday for a break to rest and recharge, and although I am resting, my worries are never far.
My worries include: will I pass university? Will I get a job? Will I ever be successful? I wish I didn’t worry like this, I wish that I didn’t have to remember to take my medication while on holiday. But actually I have realised that all these worries are not necessary, what happens will soon unfold and for now I will ride the waves and embrace the current moments. (Hence getting all dressed up and going for a dip on the sea) 🙈
I love the sea 😊🌊 Embrace the waves!!
Firstly I apologise for starting this blog then being completely silent since. Unfortunately about three weeks ago I had a nervous breakdown, I felt anxious and nervous (all the time) therefore making me feel drained and tired (all the time). During this time I had panic attacks, wasn’t sleeping, sweating, crying and not eating.
I have needed time away from placement/university, my medication has been increased and I have had to consider my coping strategies. Alongside all this I have had people say things that need some reflection ‘you were fine last week’ ‘I don’t think you had a breakdown’ the worst one was ‘you just need to relax’. The response in my head was this…
Was I really fine last week? (No I hid it well) I did have a breakdown (chances are you don’t believe me as 1. You didn’t see me and 2. I seem ‘fine’ now. And relax?! I wish I could.
After this what I now refer to as a ‘wobble’ that I had two weeks ago, I needed to consider lots of things to help me. Firstly I made myself get out of bed at a reasonable time (which was difficult during my wobble). I would then walk my dog, carry on with chores and I would relax. Either in the bath, or just sitting down and taking time to process my thoughts. I have had kind words from people I rarely talk to and i’ve been able to see who is close to me, but have not given me much thought, which is a shame.
Although I am not completely recovered yet, I am getting their and I am figuring out what works for me. I hope I can reach out to at least one person who is struggling, I will help, sympathise and try to make you smile.
If I can get through this ‘wobble’ so can you!
#anxiety #support #stigma #relax #mentalhealth