Well I think so anyway…
This new years eve was so different for me.. normally I would be out wearing a glittery, tight, uncomfortable dress in too high heels, with too much make up on. But this year was different as firstly I was working and secondly I wanted to get straight back home to my man.
Once I left work I went straight to his house to be welcomed by chinese food and cuddles. And I could not have asked for anything more. We saw the new year in holding eachother and making plans for this year. That night meant more to me than previous years, falling out of clubs/pubs and paying over the odds to get home.
I love that I was snuggled up in my mans arms to see in 2018, I love that its the only place in this world where I feel at ease, protected, safe, and loved. Most of all I felt free from the worry and thoughts that plague my mind daily.
This year on December 31st I know where i’ll be 😊❤
Happy new year!! Firstly there will be No ‘new year new me’ from me.. I will still be the same miserable, worried and worked up little woman I was last year. Just perhaps with a few more goals in place. And no I don’t believe I will see a fast imcrease in my confidence, as I know things take work, but heres my first simple goals.
- I will complete my nursing degree
- Will choose an exercise class and stick to it.
- Drink less coffee!!
If i’m honest the 3rd goal is going relatively well. I blame coffee for my lack of sleep, and my random bouts of energy that occur after each mug. I started by setting myself an initial goal first, for example for the coffee goal I decided that for every cup I had, would be followed by two glasses of water!! This has proved successful as I have had no coffee now for three days.
My nursing degree goal will be discussed on a post coming up shortly! And my exercise goal, well we will just see. I intend to join a class not just for exercises but for social purposes too, meeting new people with similar interests can be daunting for me, but (along with my confidence) is something that can be worked upon. This gradual process of completing goals will hopefully enable my confidence to build slowly. Bearing this in mind make your goals achievable, and remember you won’t be cartwheeling with joy every day but at least smile 😊
2018 i’m ready for you 💁
Diary extract from yesterday!
Today on world mental health day, I have laughed, cried and slept. A mixture of emotions has filled me today and to be honest exhausted me. Like lots of other sufferers I am overwelmed by the feel of dread or worry that occurs on a daily basis.
On days like this I hardly want to speak to anyone, I like to be in my own space and keep busy. This evening I have had tea, showered and looked through a magazine. These normal daily tasks help me to keep a little bit of routine, when all I really want is to sleep all day and not move from my bed.
So now I leave you with this final quote ‘you’re not going to master the rest of your life in one day, just relax’. 😊
Today I have decided to blog as much as possible for two reasons.
- To set myself a challenge
- To spread awareness of anxiety.
I will blog all day, I intend to refresh and remind people what I blog about, spread awareness of anxiety, have a laugh and maybe throw a few beauty tips in too! I will post pictures and give ideas to help distract people from anxiety, panic and worry.
Now take a look at this old photo. Here I am young with not a care in the world listening to my music!! First tip of the day is to dig out old pictures! You could spend hours looking through pictures and smiling at the memories, this will distract you from anxiety and encourage you to embrace all the good times 😊
Another tip taken from the photo, listen to music 🎵 I have clearly loved listening to music from a young age. Music can help distract you from everything for a while. I occasionally put my headphones in while pottering around in the house. Music can help you reflect and gives you time out to think! Start by downloading an uplifting playlist heres a few tunes from mine.
- Amazed- Lonestar
- My girl-Temptations
- Mirrors- Justin Timberlake
- A sky full of stars- Coldplay
Now get your photos out pop your headphones in and have a wonderful day 🎧🎵😊
This week has been hectic for me, turning 27 over a week ago, moving back home on my birthday, rehoming my dog twice and trying to finish Uni work. But I have managed and I have to admit i’ve had help from a very lovely person. As soon as it is I have met somebody else and knew him before the break up. I have heard comments of ‘oohh quite soon isn’t it’ and ‘is this a rebound’. But I genuinely don’t agree with either comments, for once I feel excited, and happy. I think I also know why.. I believe I was over my previous relationship before it ended, I think I had cried my fair share of tears until I couldn’t cry anymore. I just needed to see that this couldn’t go on anymore, and I did.
Thanks (withheld name) you have seen me at my lowest, you accepted my anxiety straight away as you witnessed me at my worst. You held me when I thought I made a mistake leaving him, you comforted me when I had endless rants. You helped me through this, you made me laugh and made me feel wanted again and for that I am grateful.
I don’t care if people think its too soon, I am happy that someone seems to treasure me and cares. Oh and one more thing, thank you to my ex for appearing on tinder which I discovered through a friend, you have just confirmed I made the right decision!
I remember a previous counsellor that gave me an activity to carry out. Ive always found counselling hard and could never open up about my anxieties but different counsellors have a variety of methods which they can suggest. My task was to write down my worries or fears, read through them think about them then once you have exhausted the list… Burn it and forget about the list and the worries. This helps me an awful lot during the real dark times. I’m not saying this will solve worries but it mentally and physically erases them. Then who knows what a spark could create when you return to your normal, strong self!
Firstly I apologise for starting this blog then being completely silent since. Unfortunately about three weeks ago I had a nervous breakdown, I felt anxious and nervous (all the time) therefore making me feel drained and tired (all the time). During this time I had panic attacks, wasn’t sleeping, sweating, crying and not eating.
I have needed time away from placement/university, my medication has been increased and I have had to consider my coping strategies. Alongside all this I have had people say things that need some reflection ‘you were fine last week’ ‘I don’t think you had a breakdown’ the worst one was ‘you just need to relax’. The response in my head was this…
Was I really fine last week? (No I hid it well) I did have a breakdown (chances are you don’t believe me as 1. You didn’t see me and 2. I seem ‘fine’ now. And relax?! I wish I could.
After this what I now refer to as a ‘wobble’ that I had two weeks ago, I needed to consider lots of things to help me. Firstly I made myself get out of bed at a reasonable time (which was difficult during my wobble). I would then walk my dog, carry on with chores and I would relax. Either in the bath, or just sitting down and taking time to process my thoughts. I have had kind words from people I rarely talk to and i’ve been able to see who is close to me, but have not given me much thought, which is a shame.
Although I am not completely recovered yet, I am getting their and I am figuring out what works for me. I hope I can reach out to at least one person who is struggling, I will help, sympathise and try to make you smile.
If I can get through this ‘wobble’ so can you!
#anxiety #support #stigma #relax #mentalhealth