An honest up date on me…
The picture of me above seems relatively normal, this was taken last week at a family meal, my stepmoms birthday meal to be precise. Sat at a table quite literally full of nurses, a chief nurse and an admin worker, I was asked how I was doing in my nursing degree, to which I answered and openly declared that ‘I am ready to retire and I haven’t even started out yet’… I was quite embarrassed at my answer, although it was honest I should’ve perhaps just said everything was going swimmingly. To be honest I had been feeling anxious about my return to the ward which should have been this week, unfortunately I have been signed off by a doctor who has stated that I should return when I am ready again. Part of me felt ashamed for not being strong enough to return, another part of me feels that I am in need of a rest.
My increased anxiety over the past few weeks has caused me to feel exhausted, weak and unmotivated. Also I have been waking up at silly hours in the morning then napping again of an afternoon, my anxiety is a constant in my mind, it nags at me, causes conflict in my mind between right, wrong and worry, all whilst I am trying to keep my s*** together. I pushed myself into thinking that I could successfully complete my final month of my nurse training, until it dawned on me that I genuinely cannot return to practice yet. I need to recover from this anxious period, find new techniques to help me do this and find a hobby I can fully pursue without social anxiety creeping up on me.
I intend to return practice in the new year to finish off my final hours, and I will have a new, fresh outlook which will see me till the end.
Also I love the comparison between anxiety and a toddler, 1. because it made me smile and 2. its very accurate!!
Diary extract from yesterday!
Today on world mental health day, I have laughed, cried and slept. A mixture of emotions has filled me today and to be honest exhausted me. Like lots of other sufferers I am overwelmed by the feel of dread or worry that occurs on a daily basis.
On days like this I hardly want to speak to anyone, I like to be in my own space and keep busy. This evening I have had tea, showered and looked through a magazine. These normal daily tasks help me to keep a little bit of routine, when all I really want is to sleep all day and not move from my bed.
So now I leave you with this final quote ‘you’re not going to master the rest of your life in one day, just relax’. 😊
Another tip for a positive life!
I purchased this book a while ago, I love to read the quotes each day for a positive outlook. Katie Piper is an inspiration, and this book will help increase your happiness day by day #Littlethingsinlife
Today I have decided to blog as much as possible for two reasons.
- To set myself a challenge
- To spread awareness of anxiety.
I will blog all day, I intend to refresh and remind people what I blog about, spread awareness of anxiety, have a laugh and maybe throw a few beauty tips in too! I will post pictures and give ideas to help distract people from anxiety, panic and worry.
Now take a look at this old photo. Here I am young with not a care in the world listening to my music!! First tip of the day is to dig out old pictures! You could spend hours looking through pictures and smiling at the memories, this will distract you from anxiety and encourage you to embrace all the good times 😊
Another tip taken from the photo, listen to music 🎵 I have clearly loved listening to music from a young age. Music can help distract you from everything for a while. I occasionally put my headphones in while pottering around in the house. Music can help you reflect and gives you time out to think! Start by downloading an uplifting playlist heres a few tunes from mine.
- Amazed- Lonestar
- My girl-Temptations
- Mirrors- Justin Timberlake
- A sky full of stars- Coldplay
Now get your photos out pop your headphones in and have a wonderful day 🎧🎵😊
Diary entry: 14th August 17
My next few blogs will be full of holiday pictures and will probably drive you mad. But I need to point out that although i’m sunning myself and indulging in so much greek food, I am still anxious. We all go on holiday for a break to rest and recharge, and although I am resting, my worries are never far.
My worries include: will I pass university? Will I get a job? Will I ever be successful? I wish I didn’t worry like this, I wish that I didn’t have to remember to take my medication while on holiday. But actually I have realised that all these worries are not necessary, what happens will soon unfold and for now I will ride the waves and embrace the current moments. (Hence getting all dressed up and going for a dip on the sea) 🙈
I love the sea 😊🌊 Embrace the waves!!
This next post is about one of my distraction methods. Although it seems strange last year I purchased a colouring book and would colour in most nights. This gradually stopped and then almost became forgotten about until last week. I found my colouring books while sorting through a cupboard, when I felt slightly relaxed later on in the evening I coloured for over an hour. This may appear a tedious method of distraction but during that hour all I focused on was the quotes in the book and the colours I was using. I have now tried to colour in everyday, some days I am busy and forget. And other days I still could sleep every hour. But this is one distraction that I have decided to use regularly. Although this may seem like a silly idea I would encourage you all to try it and embrace that inner child! Get those felts and pencils and be distracted for a while!!
One more thing, always try to make someone else smile no matter what you are going through.
Be someone’s rainbow!!