Happy new year!! Firstly there will be No ‘new year new me’ from me.. I will still be the same miserable, worried and worked up little woman I was last year. Just perhaps with a few more goals in place. And no I don’t believe I will see a fast imcrease in my confidence, as I know things take work, but heres my first simple goals.
- I will complete my nursing degree
- Will choose an exercise class and stick to it.
- Drink less coffee!!
If i’m honest the 3rd goal is going relatively well. I blame coffee for my lack of sleep, and my random bouts of energy that occur after each mug. I started by setting myself an initial goal first, for example for the coffee goal I decided that for every cup I had, would be followed by two glasses of water!! This has proved successful as I have had no coffee now for three days.
My nursing degree goal will be discussed on a post coming up shortly! And my exercise goal, well we will just see. I intend to join a class not just for exercises but for social purposes too, meeting new people with similar interests can be daunting for me, but (along with my confidence) is something that can be worked upon. This gradual process of completing goals will hopefully enable my confidence to build slowly. Bearing this in mind make your goals achievable, and remember you won’t be cartwheeling with joy every day but at least smile 😊
2018 i’m ready for you 💁
The above picture was taken weekend before last. In which I attended a xmas party, I danced and socialised and managed to look half decent. A week later and everything appears so different.
Last week was a rubbish week for me, I was tired, fed up and angry at times. As well as being un able to sleep and managing with it, I got through it, somehow. I didn’t want to socialise, or step foot out of the house at all. Last week I intended to sort out all my xmas shopping, visit my nan and remain smiley at work. I managed to visit my nan, complete some xmas shopping but no, didn’t think I was particularly happy at work. Then I had a punctured tyre so when I did finally venture out I ended up at a garage anyway 🙈
This weekend hasn’t been great either, I didn’t enjoy my night out Saturday and again felt like I couldn’t sleep or didn’t need sleep. So Sunday was meant to be a day with my man but no I dropped him at the train station and went home to sleep for 3 hours. Today has been a bit better, xmas shopping is almost complete, and wrapped, I helped my sister with an issue of hers and remained relatively calm.
The quote above has helped me reflect on the bad days. I know my mood will improve, and I partly blame the time of year. To be honest I can’t wait for xmas to be over. Once it is I can relax!!
An honest up date on me…
The picture of me above seems relatively normal, this was taken last week at a family meal, my stepmoms birthday meal to be precise. Sat at a table quite literally full of nurses, a chief nurse and an admin worker, I was asked how I was doing in my nursing degree, to which I answered and openly declared that ‘I am ready to retire and I haven’t even started out yet’… I was quite embarrassed at my answer, although it was honest I should’ve perhaps just said everything was going swimmingly. To be honest I had been feeling anxious about my return to the ward which should have been this week, unfortunately I have been signed off by a doctor who has stated that I should return when I am ready again. Part of me felt ashamed for not being strong enough to return, another part of me feels that I am in need of a rest.
My increased anxiety over the past few weeks has caused me to feel exhausted, weak and unmotivated. Also I have been waking up at silly hours in the morning then napping again of an afternoon, my anxiety is a constant in my mind, it nags at me, causes conflict in my mind between right, wrong and worry, all whilst I am trying to keep my s*** together. I pushed myself into thinking that I could successfully complete my final month of my nurse training, until it dawned on me that I genuinely cannot return to practice yet. I need to recover from this anxious period, find new techniques to help me do this and find a hobby I can fully pursue without social anxiety creeping up on me.
I intend to return practice in the new year to finish off my final hours, and I will have a new, fresh outlook which will see me till the end.
Also I love the comparison between anxiety and a toddler, 1. because it made me smile and 2. its very accurate!!
So this is my first ever blog post, this has took me a long time to organize. I intend to blog about mental health issues and how we can overcome them together. But mental health is such a taboo subject I believe its time to get people talking. I want to ensure conversations are started, that women can support each other and also have fun discussing all things girly and inspiring.
5 Things my blog is about:
- Stress relieving ideas, fun, relaxing and calming
- Inspiring quotes
- Sharing experiences: funny, happy and friendly
- My own personal experiences (Will include diary entries)
- Pictures and memories
I aim to get people talking, and be that friendly person any one with a mental illness can confide in by relating to experiences and reflecting on thoughts.